My fear, my utter disdain, for confrontation has always be a factor in how I operate. In most cases, I'm a push over. That's not really a good thing in this world because then you can be used as pawn for manipulation. Been there, done that, & have the tee-shirt. This isn't about me though because I am seriously trying to invest in someone that physical shortcomings just as much as I do with emotional ones. My emotional ones are more to improve upon than because her are physical ones. Also uncontrollable, which make me operate on a higher level. A level, that I've never been to. A mature level...something I've desperately needed for quite a while. It puts life more in perspective for me, also directs & focuses, something I feel that lack but she can see right through me to tell me I don't.
Like potential, but potential I already have. Where I feel I lack it, she sees it, & tells me to go for it like there is no tomorrow. In her case, she does live by that virtue. A day at time, like there no tomorrow because of constant pain from the condition she is in.
Yet, there is a really laughable aspect to this because her & I were both about quit looking for people to even attempt to "date". Seriously, her & I thought that it was going to be about that time where stopped looking for anyone. Embrace loneliness, it seems to be the current thing to do, right? Apparently God has a very intriguing sense of humor about bringing people who have quite a bit in common together. Like, in ways that are not totally explainable...that's one of the reason I call her valuable.
I don't think I can every be a descriptive enough writer to tell the everyone exactly how unique she is. It's like waking up to a fresh smell of something baking in the oven, like cookies, because the aroma fills house.
She says she doesn't have the time to improve upon me, but honestly I'm learning so much by her that I don't know if she can tell but she is improving upon me. Inch by inch, piece by piece, & in my pants. Ok, the in my pants thing is a joke. I can not be serious all the time because I feel that I lack creativity when thinking seriously. Yet, once again I heard the line that there are times in life you have to be serious. I am troubled by that line, not by her saying but the over totality. May because my brain, she described it well, is over active & doesn't slow up. I think it's that combined with me really wanting to laugh because how much comedic things I use to enhance my life interests.
Like the TV show Red Eye, it's like going to funeral just to pick up chicks. People don't understand humor, she does & mine isn't dark. I guess the darkest humor I relate to comes from movie Batman: The Dark Knight, she doesn't like it because of something previous in her life. Where Batman has to face his arch villain the Joker played by the late Health Ledger. A character so demented that I've finally deemed the usage of the phrase "why so serious?" to be right on the verge of insanity. I used to always kind of use it in jest but it's probably not an appropriate or even respectful thing to do. Yes, I do believe I made the mistake of being a jerk & immature at the wrong time with that line. It took her snapping at me because I'd kind of let myself get carried away in a hyper active spurt of energy. Now, we eventually found resolve but not without a little bit of flexibility yet being firm. I think with her snapping & explaining is why I've learned a little something about life. Something I don't think I could've realized if it wasn't for her. She's smart, I lack but I can & will catch up on what I lack. By the graces of God I know I am & will.
Also, I'd like to thank someone for helping me along the way in subtle ways with her experiences in life too. That would be Diana Falzone. You can visit her blog at http://mywingmandiana.military.com/
Yet, I have two things to note. I am not a teenager but my mentality at time of such when I get way to charged with energy...
Working on control so that my mind doesn't flash to being a degenerate as...such...
Also, to the most valuable woman in the world...there is nothing that I can say or do. I could compare you the most precious metals, flowers, or material possessions in the world & none of them would do you any justice. Thank you for that, thank you so much. Love.
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